Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
