my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
