So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
