on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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