thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
