I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
