After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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