good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
