long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
