There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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