And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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