I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
