I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
either way he was missing a nipple.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
