that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
