my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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