How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
