dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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