Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
