P.S. I can't hear my feet
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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