I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
