shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Randomize