I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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