Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
