I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
