it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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