We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
