My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
