I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
