dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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