If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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