I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
