I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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