Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
