Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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