he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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