A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
