Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
