My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
