Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
