nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
