People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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