I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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