I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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