Already got asked if we're dating
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
