Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize