Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize