i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
