I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize