This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
