9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
