if you like me you must not know who I am
I want to make a zoo with you.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Well I just put wine in my tea
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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