So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
