and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
