You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
