wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize