He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
