after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
