Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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