I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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