I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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