$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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