Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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