Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
